I'm rooting around in the tiny storage room, down in the basement of the hospital. There's only one weak light, and everything's all junked together, like nobody ever comes down here -- there's barely enough room to turn around -- how do they expect me to find anything in this mess? Damn it, it's got to be around here somewhere.

Why am I doing this? I want to quit, I don't like being down here, but I've got to find it. I've got to. It's here, I know it is. I pull another cardboard box off the shelf and start pawing through the papers and envelopes -- nothing. I put the box away and move on to the next one.

A surge of pain goes through my leg; my foot feels thick and tingly. I shake out a Vicodin and realize I'm down to my last pill. Great. I look around. The storage room is really a skeleton of light wood with chicken wire stretched over it, like a cell or a cage. It's dark and damp and oppressive down here, it's creeping me out, I'm in pain -- I've got to find what we're looking for and get out of here. "Chase!" I yell. "Chase!"

"Right here," he says. He's standing outside the door to the storage room, fumbling with the lock.

"Hurry up," I snap.

The padlock clicks open and the door swings out. Chase lets Andie come in first. "Hi," she says. I just nod. Chase rolls an office chair over and I carefully sit down. I pull another box off the shelf and poke around inside, but no luck. "Not in here, either," I say.

She hands me another box. I look up. Chase has pulled a chair over for Andie and is sitting down on a box of office supplies.

"You shouldn't have come," I say to Andie.

She smiles, her head tilted to the side, a knowing look in her green eyes -- and then she giggles and takes a sip of her Sprite. "Is this your secret hideout?"

Chase speaks up before I can answer. "Yeah, this is it," he says. "But you can't tell anyone." Andie giggles again. I'm not sure whether I'm grateful to or furious at Chase for interrupting.

Andie hands me my iPod. I put it back in my pocket. She stands to leave.

"I'm not going to kiss you," I tell her. "Not even if you ask me to."

She gives me that playful, haughty smile again. "But I'll never ask," she says.

And then she's hugging me. I close my eyes and feel her white jacket crumpling against my thin cotton shirt, I smell the scent of her clothes and hair.

Chase smiles and holds the door open for her. She steps out; he follows and the door swings shut behind them. The padlock clicks, and I feel sick with apprehension.

She looks in through the chicken wire. "It's a nice day. You should go to the park, take a walk." She turns and gives Chase a quick hug; the top of her head just brushes his chin. She takes a step back. Chase bends over and gives her a brotherly kiss on her forehead. She looks up -- her brown hair brushes against her back -- and my chest tightens as Chase leans forward to kiss her again...







I'm awake.


I grope for my pills, but my eyes are barely open and I clumsily knock the bottle off the nightstand. The pills rattle as the bottle hits the floor. I'm too groggy to swear, much less turn on the light and start looking for them, and I just drop my head back on the pillow. My itchy, heavy eyes close and immediately I'm back in the storage room, Andie is looking me over, cool and haughty; Chase is touching her hair --

No. I rub my eyes. Sleep starts draining away. No.

What was that?

It wasn't a nightmare, but whatever it was, I don't want to go back. I switch on the light and blink as my eyes adjust to the light. I push myself up and sit on the side of the bed until my head clears a little. I look around on the floor for the pills -- thank God they didn't roll under the bed. I use my cane to push them to where I can reach them. I take a pill and a swallow of water, and then head off to the bathroom. By the time I'm back, I'm good and awake.

And that's okay. I don't want to go to sleep again.

I lie down again and turn off the light. Not too much longer till morning.

I can make it.